I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
