I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
