I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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