My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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