just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
