He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
