I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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