i need an iv and a liver transplant
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
