I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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