Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
