How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
