sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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