3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
