Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
