My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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