apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
