I'll bet she douches with gravy.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
