You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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