lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
