Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
