oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
