His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
