party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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