He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
