I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This house was built for laser tag.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
