i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
