He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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