If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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