Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
