So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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