Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
