I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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