I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
