I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
