I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
