Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
