You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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