cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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