The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
