ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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