I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
