I smell stomach acid.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
