Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
