Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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