fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
