I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dick very happy bro
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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