I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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