Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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