Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
