Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
