420 ftw
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
