Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
