what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you had me at cake vodka
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
