I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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