Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
