I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
